last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
