I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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