We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
