so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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