Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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