I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
