Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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