just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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