Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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