capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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