Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
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Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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