I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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