apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
