We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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