Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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