We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
