I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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