the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Princesses don't give blow jobs
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
