You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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