They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
