sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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