Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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