I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
