Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
