I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
