you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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