i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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