it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
