Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Be still, my beating vagina.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Randomize
