we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
