TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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