Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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