is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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