Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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