She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
