so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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