I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
