; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
