Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize