I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
