I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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