she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
