she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
