Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
