we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
