Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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