wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
