Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
