No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
