sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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