My cat gives me a boner
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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