I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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