I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
