They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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