its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
