I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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