Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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