yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
