my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The air taste purple.
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