First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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