Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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