Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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