I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
