weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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