You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
