his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
