nut hugger
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it's great music for shaving your balls
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
