Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
