i was rollin on her like bob the builder
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
