i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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