walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
